Family: Love It Or Leave It?
The picture above is of my cousin and myself around the ages of 5 or 6. She is my only 1st cousin, I know freaky unless we live in Russia or something. Anyhow, she just had her second child a month ago. The sad thing I have never even seen her first child who must be like 4. I just don't keep in contact with my family. It's too difficult. I talk to my mother every couple weeks, but that even stresses me out sometimes.
I didn't used to be like that. Actually my cousin and I were like best friends. I never had a babysitter, my mom and her sister would take turns watching us. Our sleep-overs were often consecutive. My house meant plenty of time outside, playing with the dogs and cats, collecting caterpillars and building mazes for them with tinker toys and Lincoln Logs. My cousins house meant TV (they had a colour one with cable), riding bikes on cement instead of gravel, and playing with our extensive bouncy ball collection in her large kitchen. We rarely fought and it seemed we had a lot in common. We dreamed of having our own pet shop together.
I guess the times have changed. I haven't seen her since our Grandmother's funeral 5 years ago. Actually, she may have come to my Father's funeral too, but nevertheless it's been awhile.
The rest of my family seems just as removed. All of my grandparents are dead. I have a brother, well half-brother, that I speak to occasionally, but every time we seem more distant. I actually wouldn't mind spending some more time with his kids, my nieces and nephew, but they live in Illinois and I'm heading to Idaho again. The rest of my family seems to stay put where they grew up. I'm lucky if I can stay in the same spot a year.
So why am I going on about all of this personal stuff? I have no clue. I guess I just need to vent. Sometimes I feel as though I am on my own, besides Moh and now Kalea. Perhaps I am thinking about my family because I feel the need to keep in better contact? There's something special about relating to people that knew me as a child. Whatever the case, this has been a very insightful post for myself. Sorry readers. I guess this was more of a personal journey.
posted by BurdockBoy @ 10:33 PM
11 comments
11 Comments:
I LOVE the picture. Wow! No need to be sorry. Personal journey's are important to self-growth. And yes, there is something very special about relationships with those who knew you as a child. I think it's very human to feel on our own and isolated...I get like that sometimes too. But we are also all connected...
A searching and honest post, Bboy.
I have many points of identification with what you say here.
Thanks, and have a good weekend.
It all happens through self reflection, Burdock. You are your only entry point to the wonder of the world.
I am estranged from my family too. With the exception of my sons, family members are thousands of miles of away. Contact is kept with only a few, and it is rather sporadic at that.
On a similar note...and to bring your reflection home in another regard, consider the phenomena of relation building in the blog world where so many have created virtual communities across distance with ease, yet do not know their immediate neighbors in the real world. I think we want/need/seek relation, but we are very, very afraid.
Thank you for the seed for thought this morning, Burdock. TGIF - and enjoy your weekend.
Peace out.
carla:
The picture is a classic around here. In the same series there are a ouple with my cousin and I playing with giant rhubarb stalks.
Yes it seems as though I have a yearning for self-growth and exploration. I think being a parent does that to even a higher degree.
winters:
Thanks. I was going to write sort of a memoir type post, but it definitely turned into more of a search.
T.Fool:
"It all happens through self reflection, Burdock. You are your only entry point to the wonder of the world."
So true. Great words.
The internet, especially my blogging, has created sort of a new "family". I am a quite introverted person on a social level-I don't care for pubs or bars-I tend to frequent libraries and coffee houses, so this virtual community has been very helpful for me to communicate with individuals on ideas and topics that I share. It has been beautiful. With my family, the only things we share are memories and blood.
hi burdockboy,
i've read your comments at the crallspace but i didn't know until now that you live in the midwest.
i'm also an introvert, but i like to express myself also, which is part of the reason i got involved in the corvallis open forum project. i'm assuming you are aware of COF if you're a faithful reader of the crallspace, if not, check it out.
You have a child,and children cause our perspective to change in a myriad of ways.
Maybe your feelings are sort of tied up in desiring to share your daughter with people who have meant something to you in your life. How multi-faceted we are is in direct relation to sharing our lives with others.
Like some of the other commenters, I thought having recently had your first child might have been part of what inspried these thoughts as well. Maybe you are thinking about growing up with family around and imagining your child's upbringing and whether that will be part of her childhood?
Either way, I can relate to your post. I am geographically far from all my family and for various reasons not in the greatest touch with them. I do not speak to my parents at all. Which is not easy.
I often feel it is just me and my husband too, because though I do have friends I love, most are scattered throughout the country and are not nearby, and even that group of friends is not many in number. On a day to day basis, the only person in my life really is my husband, which does worry me at times.
But being sick, I have a hard time making the effort to meet new friends or even keep in great touch with the old. And like you I am more introverted than not and tend to like solitary and quiet activities overall--though I do like social events too, I just don't have the energy and good health for them much anymore.
As you said, being online and having online "friends" is nice and does help make up for some of the friends I may not have nearby in real life, and I have to remind myself that online friends aren't just words on a screen but real actual people too that can be counted as a support system as well. Hope that all made sense. I liked this post, and the photo, too.
TKN:
Thanks for stopping by. I dod lve in the Midwest for a bit longer. I lived in Corvallis last year. I wish they would have had the COF when I was there.
Kim:
I guess I have had a problem sharing my life with my family for awhile. I'm still not certain what the future holds. Thank you for your thoughts.
M:
Thank you for commenting.
I agree with about everything you said. I'm also so sorry that your illness must get in the way.
It seems so hard for me to make friends anymore. I had many wonderful friends in high school. As I slowly lost touch with them, the new friends I made never seemed as "real". Hopefully back in Idaho I will connect more with people I started becoming acquainted with and with that will come some more social endeavors. We'll see.
As others have said:
I think becoming a parent changes your view and desire for family and friends with whom we have a long history. I know it did for me.
This comment has been removed by the author.
Post a Comment
<< Home